Missing the simple things in life

I’ve got another confession, and this one probably isn’t new to any of you. Time is not something that anyone can hold on to, but despite my best efforts, it’s slipping through my fingers. When I first started this blog, my aim was to post twice a week, and now I’ve turned around and noticed that it’s been far too long since I’ve actually written something new.

The other day I had a very scary thought. My mother-in-law, who watches my son for me while I work, mentioned something in passing .. and I don’t even remember what it was anymore, but the result was me feeling like the worst mom in the world. She didn’t criticize me, or anything like that; she was just telling me about something she and my baby were going to do later that week. I was left with this horrible feeling of being left out.

I know that many, many women wish they had someone they trust to watch over their children while they work, and that I shouldn’t be saying anything, but it really struck home. I sat there thinking about the time when I saw my son take his first steps. When I mentioned it to her, she said he’d been doing it for a couple of days now, and I was okay with that because when I saw him take that drunken lunge from one foot to the other, it was the his first steps for me.

But when I hear of her planning to take him swimming next week, taking him to have lunch with his cousins, or having playdates with them, the green-eyed monster rages in me. I don’t really think I’ve ever been a jealous person before, and it worries me almost as much as the feeling of missing out on my son’s life. This new job of mine will have a crazy schedule, but part of that means that I’ll have some days free to take him places like the park, or swimming. There won’t be as much overtime, and I’ll probably gain a bunch of weight back because it’s not as physically intensive, but, at least for now, none of that matters as much as being able to take my boy for a walk in the park during the morning if I feel like it.

This morning my baby and I went out for breakfast while his daddy slept (he works midnight shift, which makes all sorts of problems but helps to pay the bills). After that we went to the pet store to pick up some filters for our fish tank and spent nearly an hour cooing at the rabbits. I think that’s been the best morning I’ve had since January because even though we were running errands in the pouring rain, we were together and enjoying the simple things in life. It was revitalizing.

 ~b

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